A Focus Among The Chaos: Being A Good Parent When Going Through Grief
As we hit middle-age, we begin to become acutely aware of our own mortality. We are at this point where we have young children but old parents. And when we lose someone we care about, trying to be a good parent throughout this can be a complex juggling act. After all, you can’t pour your heart out to a young child, and at the same time, you may think that it’s important to keep pushing on, which means you’re not dealing with the issue. So how can you be a good parent while going through this act of grief?
Navigating The Essential Duties Can Provide An Anchor
Your feelings are palpably raw, and when you’re trying to navigate thorny issues, whether it’s the circumstances of the death or the legal components, in one respect, going through the administrative processes can help to be cathartic. It can prove long and drawn out, especially when liaising with lawyers, and there could be other things being thrown into the mix which causes additional stress such as if the person didn’t leave a will. And while there are resources online, such as the article How Does Probate Work Without a Will?, we have to remember that going through these essential administrative duties can take us up to the day of the funeral. It provides an anchor of sorts. And this can help us at the outset because there is a structure that we need to carry on with. Even if you feel that you are trying to choke back tears, these essential duties at the very outset may prove frustrating, but they are a healthy distraction because you are dealing with the death of the person you love, while also remembering that you have the other the important task of being a parent to focus on. It can be a focus among the chaos.
Learning To Process Your Grief
Maybe the funeral has gone, and you are now trying to make sense of it all. And as you learn to process your grief, there will be times when you may not feel like playing toys with your child, or doing anything! Your child may very well be old enough to comprehend that their grandparent is in the sky but at this point, you have to take some comfort in the fact that your child remembers them and is doing what they can to process the information in their own way. It’s not necessarily about protecting our child from the grim specter of death, but we need to remember that when we are going through grief ourselves, barricading ourselves and avoiding the issue is more unhealthy. Helping our children through this task by explaining things in simple language may very well be the solution. The article How To Talk To Your Preschooler About Death provides some very useful hints. By talking to our children about this, we may learn a simple method of processing it. And it can also help us to realize that remembering the person is far more important than thinking they are gone forever.
It’s not easy to be a good parent or even a focused one if you are going through grief but when you are faced with this, it’s important not to shy away from your own feelings.