How to be a Super-Mom

I want to be that Mom.  You know the one I’m talking about.  The Super-Mom!  She has the well behaved children and seems to have the whole mothering thing all figured out.  She signs up to volunteer for every school event and holds a seat on the PTO board.  Her hair is always perfectly done and her fashion sense is spot on.  Her children are in several after school activities and they always arrive on time, sometimes even with snacks she’s made for the group!  She has it all together and doesn’t even have to break a sweat trying.  That’s the Mom I want to be.  I think we all do, don’t we?  Can I tell you a secret though?  Even Super-Moms don’t have it all figured out.

 

I recently had a chance to talk to a mom who I’ve always admired.  She was the Super-Mom I aspired to be.  We chatted over coffee, sharing stories and just getting to know each other a little bit.  And that’s when I realized it…  The Super-Moms didn’t exist.  Even this woman who sat across the table from me – the one who I envied for how easy she made motherhood look – she struggled.  I realized during this time we shared that looking at the outer appearance of her life only gave me a small glimpse of what she dealt with.  While I was watching her, she was watching me – envying me.  Wanting to be the Super-Mom that I was…

 

So where does that leave us?  How do we know who to look at if we’re all looking at each other?  Can we be a Super-Mom?  What does that even mean?

 

 

1. Realize That Every Mom Struggles

As humans, it is our nature to look at other people.  We compare ourselves to them.  We look at how clean their house is – how well their children listen – how nice their appearance is – how involved in activities they are – how popular their children are – and oh so much more.  We judge ourselves and how well we are parenting by what we see in others- by how we think that they are doing.  The way that others are doing, The way we think others are doing becomes the standard by which we judge how well we are doing.

 

The secret is though that others are struggling to.  That mom who always looks so put together spends her mornings in front of the mirror, ignoring her children’s pleas to get her attention, because she struggles with self-esteem issues and thinks that if she can only get “beautiful enough” that she will be liked.  The mom who attends every single school function, every single outside event, never spends any time with her children at home unless she is yelling and screaming at them because she just can’t get them to behave when it’s only them behind the closed doors.  Everyone struggles, each in their own areas, even when you can’t see it.

 

Realizing that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses is a huge eye opener in the motherhood department.  Instead of comparing yourself to other moms and the way that they maintain their family, focus on your family.  What areas do you excel in?  Where do you struggle?  How can you use your personality, your gifts, to benefit your household?  Instead of looking outwards, at others, look inwards.

 

2. Set Appropriate Limitations

There are only 24 hours in a day.  No matter how much we want more, we need more, we can’t add another second to it.  As a mom, there is so much that I must accomplish in a day.  I must work, clean the house, take care of the kids, and the list goes on and on.  This makes the skill of time management so very important.

 

The first step is to be realistic about the amount of time that you have.  Each mother is unique on this, so while I can tell you that I may have 5 hours today free, you may have more or less.  Whether you work, attend school, have meetings or doctor’s appointments – all these things affect the amount of available hours in the day.  Each day, figure out what time you have available and how many things you need to do that day, and then don’t overbook it!  Setting achievable schedules makes life so much easier!

 

 

There have been days in the past where I couldn’t do anything.  I got off work, ran home to throw together PB&Js for dinner so that I can get Buddy over to his program at the library and then back in time to grab Bug & Goose in time to get them over to Girl Scouts and then scurry back over to pickup Buddy and drop him off at home so that he can be there when the delivery guy arrives so that I can go pickup the girls…..  Does this kind of hectic day sound familiar?  The trouble here is that you don’t realistically set your time for the day.

 

If I would have been honest with myself about my time, I would have understood that I can’t be at three different places at almost the exact same time.  Perhaps I could have asked if one of the other Girl Scout moms would have been able to grab the girls.  Or perhaps I could have had the delivery guy scheduled to come at another date or another time.  I could have even not allowed the kids to sign up for two different things so close to the same time on the same night.  

 

Sometimes, overbooking ourselves just happens, however, when we plan our time so that we can accomplish everything that we need to get done without going crazy in the effort, we will feel more like a success than when we pull into our final stop feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted from the stress of the days activities.

 

3. Humble Yourself and Ask For Help

No one can do everything on their own.  I can’t.  You can’t.  I hate to burst your bubble but at some point in your life (or in my case, my day) you’re going to need someone else.  And it’s ok to ask!  Asking for help doesn’t make you a failure or stupid or whatever demeaning word you fear it will make you look.  There may be someone out there who is more than happy and willing to help if you would but admit your need for it.

 

Whether it’s needing a ride for the girls to Girl Scouts, or advice on how to handle the Autism meltdown that Bug is currently having – asking for help is a sign that you are a good mom.  It’s a sign that you care enough that your children get the assistance that they need to put yourself into what might be an uncomfortable phone call (or in my case text because I hate talking on the phone).  It’s a sign of a great mom.  So ask!  The worse that can happen is that they say no, but you never know if you don’t try!

 

4. Cherish the Time Spent With Your Kids

Some moms have the joy of staying home and being with their children nonstop, while others work and only see their children for a few hours a day.  No matter how much time you physically get to spend with your children, make sure that some of it is good bonding time.

 

Let me ask you, as a grown up, a question.  Think back to your childhood.  What stands out to you the most?  Was it the time that your mom stood in the kitchen baking cookies that she would take to the PTO meeting, or is it that time that she played catch with you in the backyard?  I’m not saying don’t ever bake cookies for the PTO (and if you do, our PTO is always accepting those delicious treats!), but I am saying, don’t get so caught up in creating the perfect appearance that you forget to build the bond.  Yes, cleaning your home is important, but the kids are only there to mess it up for so long – so don’t worry about dumping out the bucket of blocks so that they can find that one special red one that goes on top of the tower.  Balance your time between work and play and ensure that there is a time for fun, a time for bonding with your children each and every day.

 

5. Let It Go

 

We are all human.  We all make mistakes.  It’s bound to happen.  You can either dwell on them and feel like a failure, or you can learn from them and grow into an even better parent because of them.  So when your kid comes down the stairs for the millionth time, after they’ve already been tucked in to bed, and you lose your temper and scream at them….  Apologize, Hug it Out, and Let it Go!  

 

Being a Super-Mom doesn’t mean being a perfect mom.  It means being the best Mom that you can be!  I don’t need to want to be a Super-Mom because I am a Super Mom!

 

What advice would you give to another mother on how to be a Super Mom?

 

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